MEET THE STAFF

Remember our faces, burn a mental picture of us in your mind, think of us fondly as we sit in jail over the many illegal activities we have yet to partake in, in order to get this bitch off the ground.
This is the Dor-I, she is a fat girl in a skinny girls' body. She has been building muscle for the past six weeks and enjoys kicking your ass in her spare time. She also enjoys taking long walks around Barney's New York as she struts her hot ass in her school bus yellow golashes by Marc Jacobs. Don't be deceived by her sweet Korean face, she's a nasty little pirate. She can take out your peg leg with one swift kick (just ask Kid Vicious). She doesn't mind driving in traffic as long as she gets to degrade those around her, and often throws tantrums when the elderly and cars are involved. Dor-I can put any Vegas buffet out of business and revels in her pristine knowledge of EVERY eatery in Los Angeles County. She has three children; Paris, London, and Franc (all of which she dresses accordingly).

This, my blarney readers is Brainpanic. He enjoys doing gansta' impersonations, but will also oblige you with his cholo gang signs (if you ask nicely or feed him). He was last seen running the streets of Dublin (for no particular reason) in running attire. Convinced that he was running a marathon, Brainpanic posed for some photos with a medal around his neck to paparazzi (who were actually trying to take pictures of Sean Connery). He later confessed that he drank copious amounts of Guinness and began hallucinating. He further states that he had no idea where he got the running clothes from or why he was the only one running in this so-called 'marathon'.

I am Novak, the scumiest of the whores and the brightest of pirates. I have a mediocre job that pays shit but allows me to focus on more creative activities (like learning how to roll my own cigarettes into animal shapes). I enjoy shoving people into parked cars and drinking at the diviest of bars. I understand the time-space continuum, but I don't believe in it. I constantly attempt to break Newton's Laws, but alas I haven't succeeded...YET! :( I wish that friction didn't exist, (just think about THAT for a second).............................whatever, I think it's funny ;P IF I ever make it to heaven I'd want to fuck Gregory Peck, George Peppard, and Mao Tse-Tung (all at the same time).

We here at Walk The Plank just want our jerk-off readers to know that we are an equal opportunity institution, that is why we employ fat people, wack-jobs, and physics-challenged sluts.